Keeping Busy

By Kasey Beckham | Published: January 29, 2011

I don’t have time to breathe.

Seriously.

Pretty sure I’m booked up most of the time. Between work, kids, church, volunteer obligations, and everything else that winds up on the “Kasey will do it!” list, I’m pretty sure I don’t have time to breathe.

So, since most of my posts here have been fairly grim lately, and this one itself could spiral off into grim-ness, what do you say we keep this one a little lighter?

In case I haven’t mentioned it lately, I’m not a winter-time kind of girl, and yet being forced to stay in the house more, you’d think I’d find time to do some things I pointedly avoid (like clean out my home office — I ought to take a picture and make you all my accountability partners to hold my feet to the fire until I straighten it up!). But no, I find other things to fill my time. I work on various little projects I like, and put off the ones I don’t.

I’m pretty sure part of my problem is that I am fidgety and flighty and have ants in my pants. Even as I type this blog entry, I find myself downloading things on my iTunes account. I just can’t do one thing at a time without multi-tasking or giving myself mental commercials.

So, let’s get some feedback from any of you reading this…and don’t make me hear crickets, people. How are you keeping busy this loooooong winter season? (Has anyone noticed it’s been a looooooong winter this year? I’m going crazy!)

Are you gearing up for VBS already? Leading a Bible study? Working on some other volunteer project? Actually keeping your house neat? Working overtime at a job? Harrassing your spouse? (That one is particularly fun.)  I”ve been looking into details about taking a mission trip to Montana this summer — now that’s  a road trip for you.  What’s going on out there, folks?  I need to hear some good stuff, maybe I’ll try it out!

Talk to me, people!  :-)

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The Popularity Contest

By Kasey Beckham | Published: January 17, 2011

I have come to the startling revelation lately that not everyone likes me.  Now, now, I know you’re thinking there’s no way that could be true — LOL! — but alas, yes, it is true.

I realized over the holidays that I spent an inordinate amount of time wanting people to like me.  That is, without-a-doubt, a self-centered and vain thing for me to have done.  What motivated me to want that so much?  Well, I would say that most of us feel that way, to some degree.  Perhaps some care a little less or more than others, but we all want to feel liked, loved, and secure in our relationships.

Part of my rationale is that I honestly like people, and I enjoy being around them.  I enjoy relationships with them.  But sometimes others don’t like me.  And that makes me sad.

I know that at work I often make decisions and have to implement things that are not always met with open arms.  Oftentimes, those things are held against me personally, and I have no choice but to accept that as long as I work with people, that will be the case.  As a minister’s wife, we all know how unlikely it is that our husband’s ministery efforts are always going to be embraced by everyone.  In fact, we must accept that there will nearly always be a percentage of people who have severely differing opinions and may or may not voice them at any given time.  Unfortunately, sometimes in instances, people can’t separate their opinions on any one subject from the person, and that causes harm to relationships.

So, how do I reconcile that with the fact that I like to be liked?

I’m still working on that.

I realize how immature and self-centered and vain that sounds.  I own that.

I’ve seen people take a different approach and say, “forget this — I’m my own person and I don’t care if people like me or not,” at which point he/she simply goes on a rampage and destroys whoever and whatever is in the path.  I certainly don’t want to take that approach.

But I also don’t want to sit and worry that everything I have to do or say in my personal life, work life, or church life will cause someone to not like me.  That is crippling.

So, I’m taking it one step at a time.  I realize that just because one  person (or even a few)  un-friends me on facebook doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  It makes me want to reinvest in the relationships I value dearly and to never take those I care about for granted.

What about you?  How do you deal with this big popularity contest we call life?  How do you balance personal relationships, church relationships, work relationships, etc.?

In the meantime, here’s a sweet song that helps me remember that even when I’m in turmoil, even the immature things, I’m always in the right place — “Your Hands.”

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Expectations

By Kasey Beckham | Published: December 23, 2010

There are a lot of little kids…and some adults…with a list of quite a few expectations that will either be met or not over the next couple of days

That word gets bandied about probably more than it should.  In the workforce, employees are held to meet “expectations” — a defined set of goals and/or objectives.  We often hear counselors talk regarding “expectations,” and how we should clarify what they are so our loved ones can live up to them.  I can assure you that most of us grapple with our own expectations of ourselves, and the fact that we set them much higher than is realistic most of the time.

I’ve dealt with my own share of missed expectations in my life, some of my own doing and plenty of others doing.  At one point, I decided a line from the Julia Roberts’ movie “Something to Talk About” was the answer.  She quipped back to someone after being told Southern women were easy to please that…”It comes from years of being bred to keep our expectations low.”  So, how should I go about not being disappointed?  Keep my expectations low.

Well, that’s one idea.

But I don’t think that’s the best way, necessarily.  Here’s a thought — have we lowered our expectations too low in so many things where the church or Lord or our own Christianity goes that we don’t even come close to doing what we should be doing?  In a minister’s family, we know that there are expectations from nearly every member of the congregation (and some outside of it!).  How do we meet them?  Which ones do we strive for?  How do we go about it?

It’s a struggle for sure.  I know I wallow in it a lot as I try to figure out which ones I can humanly meet.  So what is the answer?

Well, I can assure you that I don’t have one, per se, that lists out expectations and how to meet them.  The best I can do is say that Jesus and his Word should be our guidance.  He should be our measuring stick, our standard for which expectations we should be striving for.  He was even so kind as to give us a guidebook!  :-)

Now, how am I going to balance that with all my own personal expectations over the next few days of Christmas holiday-craziness?  Well, I’m going to do my best, but I’m sure I will fall short. 

How will you balance?  What are the most pressing expectations in your life right now?

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Peace

By Kasey Beckham | Published: December 9, 2010

Several years ago, my husband and I asked my grandfather what he wanted for Christmas.  His reply became legendary in our household.

“Peace of mind,” he said simply.

He made such a simple statement, but it was full of meaning.  As Christmas approaches, there are a lot of people longing for that.  In a pastor’s household, there are a lot of prayers for that for many people. 

But don’t you ever just have to pray for it yourself?  I will be vulnerable for a minute.  I can assure you that there is plenty on my mind these days (but then again, when isn’t there a lot on my mind?).  Not all my thoughts are peaceful.  I have turmoil, grief, angst, pain, anxiety, decisions…well, lots of things I need to pray about.

And sometimes, even harder to deal with than your own issues, have you ever just wanted to fix something for someone?   It may be the mom in me, or maybe the female-ness of me, or maybe just the “me” in me, but sometimes I just want to run screaming into a situation and fix it.  Scream “open your eyes!  Can’t you see the way it should or could be!?!?”  And sometimes it isn’t that easy, but you still want to take a band-aid and fix it.

But it really never is that easy.  Most folks, me included, tend to run the other direction of the way things ought to be.  It’s obviously our sinful natures, and our rebellion against God.

We’ve been longing for peace for a long time, but the only time we find it is when we rest our heads and hearts in Jesus’ hands.  No matter our situation, He is the answer.  It really is the simplest answer of all, and yet we’ve tried every which way in the world to “self-help” our way through life…and it has been to our detriment.

For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the the middle wall of partition between us;

Ephesians 2:14

I’ve been singing this song a lot lately…it’s a particular favorite of mine as far as Christmas carols.  This is a newer, jazzier version, but it still speaks to me.  Let’s really remember Jesus is the key to our peace, especially as we say it so often over the next few weeks.  Let’s really mean it.

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“Don’t they love GOD?!?!”

By Kasey Beckham | Published: November 15, 2010

Sarah, Grayson and Vincent Van Goat, one of the trouble makers, in a snapshot from this summer.

Often times the simplest truths come out of our innocent childrens’ mouths. At Good Morning Farm, the Beckham household has been having a lot of goat-related issues.

Yes, you read that correctly. I said we were having some goat-related issues.

We have 6 goats. Some of these are actually registered milk goats — I say this as if it really means something, but ultimately, it doesn’t — but all of them are purely ornery pets.

We’ve had these goats for several, several years. They’ve always been fairly well-behaved, and we’ve been able to brag to other farmer-friend-type people about how our goats will stay behind an electric fence and not wreak havoc around our house, such as eat the siding off our house, which some people have sworn happened.

But alas, the gig is up. The Beckham goats are on a rampage. They’ve begun escaping the fence and pretty much taking over our yard. And when our semi-herding dog (new addition to the family — Shiloh, a 1 1/2 year-old Australian shepherd mix from the animal shelter) tries to round up the goats, they lower their heads, and squeal and at full ramming speed, butt Shiloh back to the house.

We have a very disfunctional animal kingdom around here.

While having a rather animated discussion about the goat problem the other day with my husband, I noticed Grayson (our 4-year-old) paying close attention to our discussion. Chris was ranting a bit about his garden for next year…if we don’t get these goats under control, there will be no fresh cabbage and beans and corn for the Beckhams!

But as Chris paused to take a breath, Grayson offered up this gem: “Mommy and Daddy, if we can’t keep the goats in their fence, let’s build a good fence around the garden to keep the goats out of the garden.”

We were stunned into silence for a moment as we considered…that may actually work!

Out of the mouths of babes, and all that.

Again Grayson stunned me with his simple philosophy on church the other day. We were leaving to go to some church activity and after we left our driveway, I was getting inundated with my usual litany of questions…”where’s daddy? did he already go? are we going to Sunday School? What is God’s last name? Is that the sun or moon?” You know how it goes. But Grayson stopped and asked me if a certain house we were passing went to our church too. When I replied, no, they didn’t go to our church and I wasn’t sure if they went to church anywhere, it was met with a gasp.

“What?!?” he exclaimed. “They don’t go to church? Don’t they love God?!”

That stunned me to silence as well.

Such a simple concept, but so true. And you know, it isn’t just non-attenders or non-Christians who don’t attend church. Sometimes we’re there in body, but are we really, really, there to worship God and love Him with our hearts?  Even though my attendance is pretty good, am I always in the frame of mind, and even more importantly, in the right frame of heart, to worship and love my God?   I can tell you that answer is a no.  And for those of you who are ministers’ wives…does poor attendance numbers on a Sunday get you a grouchy husband that afternoon and Monday?  Of course it does — or some version thereof.  They care, and miss people when they aren’t there.

So, is it really that simple? Could it be? What innocence, and yet, truth. When we don’t do what God wants, would Grayson ask of us, “Don’t they love God?”

*********************

Is there anything cuter than kids and goats? Even one of the ornery ones on Good Morning Farm…

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Temper, Temper…

By Kasey Beckham | Published: November 10, 2010

I watched as my little girl threw a doozy of a fit this evening. It was an all-out, down in the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs protest to her father and me. As far as fits go, it was pretty impressive.

Honestly, although it was annoying and grated on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard, I can say that there has been more than one occasion lately that I’ve wanted to do the same thing. I’ve been in a fairly foul mood lately, and I’m not really sure that I have a great reason or reasons. It’s not even winter yet — and that usually marks the beginning of my “foul season.” (Just so you can be forewarned, my mood will lift again in the Spring.) My temper has been right up to the boiling point, and it’s taken very little to push me over the edge.

To some degree, it’s why I haven’t blogged quite as often as I would like to because I didn’t want to spread my obnoxious foul-ness.

A big part of the problem with my temper and bad attitude is that it has infiltrated my family time and I’m pretty sure I’ve taken it out on those who didn’t necessarily deserve it all the time. Yes, my kids have been pushing the envelope lately, and yes, my husband hasn’t been perfect (shocker! love ya, honey…), but I’ve still been my fair share of snappy.

It’s made me think, though, about all the times I’ve been touchy and over-sensitive to others…at church, at work, in my family…and been hurt or offended that they’ve not been overly friendly or over the top excited to see me. Guess what? They were probably having a rotten day (or week…or month…) too. So, just as I’ve not been Miss Chirpy Happy lately for no good reason, maybe my friends or church members or whoever feels just the same way sometimes.

Which led me to another shocking revelation…it’s not always all about me.

Amazing what a good old-fashioned temper tantrum/foul-mood can do for a girl.

It helped me rediscover a bit of grace.

And considering we’re heading into a crazy hectic time of year in family lives, work lives, and church lives, it’s probably a good time to remember this.

And if ya’ll have a good remedy for a snippy mood, please share! I could always use a good mood lifter. ;-)

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Seasons Change

By Kasey Beckham | Published: October 30, 2010

When I was a kid living at home, one of the things I remember about my mom and her houses was that she liked to change ‘em up. Wherever we lived, she would rearrange furniture very frequently (frequently may be a relative term, but still…). She would change bedrooms around from one to another, she would rearrange living rooms, and just in general create different living spaces. That was well before the days of HGTV, but she definitely liked to change things up.

I thought about that today as I was cleaning all my floors in my house (and ain’t that just a workout!?). I never rearrange furniture. I never create nor redefine “living spaces.” I’m a little puzzled about it, actually. I’m not opposed to change. I just don’t rearrange furniture. Ever.

So, while I was puzzling about that, my mind drifted, as it often does, to change in general. Most of us kick up a storm about change in general, but honestly? I think I like it. Not necessarily bad change, although I’ve had my share of that too, but change in general isn’t all that bad. I think a lot of the things I’ve done in my life were caused by me getting twitchy about something and needing to make something new happen.

In the Springtime, and sometimes even in the Fall, when the seasons are changing my horses will lift their noses to the air and breathe deeply before they erupt into a bucking, galloping fit. It’s like the very seasons changing themselves, or the air that moves into them, can make even those animals sense the changes. I’m not sure if it is cause or effect in that case, but in any event, seasonal changes affect them.

I can assure you that on the first day of Winter, you will see a change in me. I will become a grumpy bear until March of next year. But that’s a different story altogether. :-)

Sometimes changes are small. Maybe it’s rearranging furniture or a new hair style. Sometimes changes are big and lifechanging. It could be a new baby or a death of a loved one, or moving from one town to another. Or maybe it’s just the seasons change, as they do every year.

In any event, change is inevitable. That’s not rocket science, but there it is. So how do you weather out change? Do you embrace it and get a buzz from new chapters in your life? Or do you throw up every road block you can to stop it from happening? I’m just curious…am I odd to get “white line fever” as my dad used to call it? (As an adolescent and teenager, we moved a lot so any time we were about to make a big change, he said he had “white line fever” — in reference to the white line on a highway that we were about to head on down. He wasn’t being flip — it was just our way of deadling with major changes.)

Let’s share! Let’s hear about it — do we have some change-lovers out there? Or some shrieking “no!!!!” as flare-leg pants give way to skinny jeans (*shudders*)?

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Sunday afternoon naps

By Kasey Beckham | Published: October 17, 2010

I’ve just about come out of my mourning period since the Reds lost to the Phillies in the National League Division Series. I didn’t even get to use the tickets I’d bought for “Home Game 2″ since there was no “home game 2.” Although we still have playoffs going on, leading to the World Series, and although I will watch and cheer since I am a baseball fan in general, baseball season for me is over. I’m just ready for Opening Day 2011. ;-)

But it’s Sunday afternoon now, and a gorgeous one it is. It is just about a perfect Fall day out there. I’m listening to the kids play in the backyard since the doors and windows are open while I type this blog entry.

Generally speaking, Sundays aren’t the easiest of days around a pastor’s home. They are very stressful. Now, I know they are stressful enough for folks who aren’t the pastor’s family, folks who faithfully attend Sunday School, church and Sunday night activities. But when you’re a part of the pastor’s family, the burdens are just heavier and heavier.

For one thing, you know that if, say, your the pastor’s wife? And you inadvertantly pick a horrendous fight on Sunday morning? What kind of anxiety do you carry around all day or week if you know you’ve thrown the pastor off balance and messed with his head before he speaks to those needing to hear God’s word? Or, ummm…is that just me? Probably is. I’m the nightmare pastor’s wife… :-)

Then there’s the pastor himself, otherwise known to you as “honey,” or “daddy” to the kids. He really likes to hear the jokes about Sunday being the only day he works. Or, as far as burdens go, to know that there are people in the congregation dealing with situations in their lives that make it harder to hear for whatever reason what the Lord has led him to share. And sometimes, believe it or not, things are crazy administratively that morning that diverts his attention from where he wants and needs it to be.

Now, here’s a disclaimer — my husband and I have been on vacation this week, and so we weren’t at our church this morning, so this blog is not a reaction to anything that happened at our church today! We weren’t there, so I have no idea what happened there today…hopefully great stuff! But I’m just sitting here thinking about what Sundays usually are in a pastor’s home.

I remember as a preacher’s kid how tense Sundays could be. And now from an adult’s persective, I understand why.

Please understand that I am not feeling hard at church, or the members of the congregations, or anything of the like! But the pastor serving as a shepherd to his flock feels the pain, carries the burdens and knows the heartache of each individual and/or family that belongs there. Because of that, when Sunday rolls around and you have most of your congregation represented at once, those individual things get magnified because of the volume of them being present at once. A good pastor is sensitive to all that, and inevitably carries some of it himself.

And because he is a man, no matter how good, he carries it home with him.

He knows what the people were dealing with. He also knows why those who weren’t there weren’t there, for the most part. And no matter why, it still lays heavy on his heart when all the flock is not accounted for.

Every good pastor knows he can’t please everyone. Some days he isn’t even pleasing most! But most good men still try to meet every need they know about. The pastorate isn’t a 9 to 5 job, nor is it a Monday through Friday work week. It’s whenever it needs to be, which is usually when most people are having family time…and your husband is ministering to others.

Whether your church runs 50 in attendance or 1050 in attendance, the pastor and his family feel the stress of the position in their home all the time, but even more acutely on Sundays. That’s when it all comes to a boiling point for the week.

So, what does all this have to do with Sunday afternoon naps? Well, just think about how nice a Sunday afternoon nap is! Even if you don’t always get one, don’t you just smile when you think of one? I do. Perhaps I enjoy sleep too much, because I’m just sitting here grinning like a crazy person because I love a Sunday afternoon nap.

Maybe that is oversimplifying what is an altogether larger issue, but the Lord outlined rest as a part of his plan for us. I can assure you that I don’t get enough and because of that, I react badly to things that shouldn’t cause a bad reaction.

All of that to say this — we know Sundays are going to be hair-raising, stressful, crazy days for us. We know that if we aren’t prepared to deal with the day emotionally and physically that it isn’t going to go well for us. What does the Lord want from us on Sundays?

In my household, it takes a loooooong time to unwind from a Sunday. Sunday nights are pretty edgy. That winds up impacting my Monday morning and my work week. I know I need to be prepared for that.

What about you? What works or doesn’t work in your household for those crazy Sundays? Some of you may not even be a minister’s wife…what about you?

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Step Out of the Boat…whether you can swim or not.

By Kasey Beckham | Published: September 22, 2010

A very special group of ladies asked me to come and speak at their ladies retreat this coming Saturday. When I asked what they would like for me to talk about, I really wasn’t given a directive at all. I was just told that their theme was “Step Out of the Boat.” These sweet ladies just trust me to talk to them for a little while about whatever I think I need to talk about! I love them.

You see, this church I’m going to on Saturday is the church at which my dad is pastor. But it was also his first pastorate, many years ago when I was just a child. Many miles and many years have passed by between those two pastorates. Being asked to go and share something with those ladies is yet another example of how the Lord seems to remind me of certain truths in my life, and how my life comes full circle from time to time.

So, I’ve been thinking and praying about what I should say. Step out of the boat? You betcha. I can assure you that from that first pastorate of my dad’s on, my childhood was filled with stepping (or JUMPING!) out of the boat. I think we were in the water a lot more than we were in the boat! :-) So yeah, I have a lot of experiences I can talk about from there. I look forward to sharing some of that.

But as I was thinking about all that and chuckling and yes, even tearing up a few times, I also thought about my last time to step out of the boat. And guess what? I had a hard time remembering it exactly. I’m just being honest with you…perhaps baring a little bit of vulnerability with you all. My youth and my young adulthood was steeped in putting my hand in the Lord’s and saying “let’s go!” So why am I not doing that so much anymore?

As Christians and women and wives and ministry servants and everyone else reading this, we have all had opportunities to step out of the boat and trust the Lord to use us or take care of us or whatever He wants. I wonder how many times we’ve done what we should have as He’s called.

God wants us to step out of the boat and follow him and trust him…whether we can swim or whether we have our life jackets on. And I’m not just talking about full and complete life changes — sometimes it’s just a matter of doing a simple thing the Lord needs us to do, and we’re just too chicken to realize He’ll give us the strength and talent we need. Maybe it’s speaking to ladies who ask us to speak even when we’re not sure about what to say. Maybe it’s sharing our faith with a co-worker. Maybe it is supporting our spouse through a hard choice.

Surely my faith is not bound by my youthful willingness to take more chances. Surely my faith is more reflective of a deeper relationship with Him and His word. So why can I remember more instances of trusting Him from a different time in my life? Have I grown too cautious and more complacent? Surely not. Surely I am not that lukewarm Christian that the Lord warns us about in Revelation. Surely not.

Or am I?

I’m left to think about this now. What about you?

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Caring for the sick…

By Kasey Beckham | Published: September 14, 2010

It’s been quite the past couple of weeks at the Beckham household. Labor Day weekend was very laborious as the Beckham children, and soon after, the Beckham husband, came down with pretty awful colds/sinus infections/upper respiratory infections/call it what you may. The fun included stuffy heads, barking coughs, sore throats, fevers, lack of sleep for all — but mostly the Beckham mom.

After a solid week of “fun,” Sarah (2-yr-old) tripped and fell in the church fellowship hall kitchen and landed on an open dishwasher door resulting in a trip to the ER. All is fine now — net result was a melted down mom that the nurses had to comfort, a bruised forehead on the little one and yet another sleepless (literally) night for mom.

And now? To top off the fun? I have what all of them had last week.

To clarify, I don’t do sick. I hate it with a passion and generally refuse to get sick. Unfortunately, even the best of my positive thinking isn’t going to whip this. I’m going to have to depend on the old Z-pack to help me over the hump.

My own woes aren’t the point, though. Last week as I watched my normally very active kids lay listless and feverish, I grieved that they were in the least amount of discomfort. Sunday night, I wished it had been me who fell and knocked my head off. Looking at Sarah’s head and seeing that bruise made me sick to my stomach.

And I’m not sure if it is something in the air or what, but we’ve had an uncanny run of sickness and health problems at church. My husband has been ministering to so many folks who are ill, in surgeries, facing monumental health problems and even some deaths that we’ve taken pause. Anyone in ministry will be accustomed to ministering to the sick, but this has been a significant increase lately.

As I nursed my children last week, I wanted to absorb their pain. I wished a million times that I could be sick instead of them. I would have gladly born the bruise on my head instead of Sarah. I watch my husband take on the burdens of his congregation. I watch him suffer alongside them and try to bear their pain.

And we are human beings. We are imperfect human beings who are so far from being what we should be that it isn’t even funny. But the Lord works through us when we are sensitive to His voice, and He makes us better wives, children, ministers… He wants to help us bear our burdens. Do we let Him? Do we ever watch our husbands in ministry and resent the time and heartaches they deal with daily?

I will say that it’s a daily struggle to submit to our Heavenly Father’s will, whether it be to cast my cares on Him or to support my husband in all he does to serve and love our congregation. Because of Him, I do a better job than I would on my own.

If I, as a simple, lowly, flawed human being can be moved to compassion on my babies or my husband to his congregation, imagine our Heavenly Father’s heart for us.

Here’s a verse that spoke to me today…

“and said, “O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven or on earth, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to your servants who walk before you with all their heart,”
2 Chronicles 6:14

How do you let Him work through you as a mother or a wife?

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