Settling in…

I’m ready to go to bed.  It’s been a busy day, hasn’t it?

Easter Sunday, and all of Holy Week around it, has been crazy-ville around our household.  It generally is, as I’m often reminded that this is one of the busiest weeks of the year for our ministry-called husbands.

We have seen a lot of different things this week.  Funerals, good worship times, excitement, trepidation, unusual occurrences, travel, ups and downs…all besides our community’s mid-day services and Good Friday observances.

I’ve lost my temper more than once.  My husband has had some things happen to him that are out of the norm.  Some days the kids were good, some days they were making me long for some Calgon to take me away.  I had frustrations beyond my control, and had minor surgery on the bottom of my foot.  The next day, I walked 6 1/2 miles.  (Guess what?  My foot bled.  Shocker, I know.)

All in all, a pretty typical week.

And yet, not.

This was the week that we celebrated the most holy and life- and world-altering event that ever took place.

Easter is over again for another year.  As I’m typing this, it’s officially Monday morning.  But maybe I didn’t do the best job of looking forward to Easter as I drowned in the details.  Maybe I’m realizing that as I’m ready to settle in for the night, I just sailed through another “church holiday” the way I do most of them as a pastor’s wife…by sailing through them.  I’m struggling with what I did to make it special.

I do know that I thoroughly enjoyed the day with my kids, my husband and my parents and sister.  I relaxed a little (after this morning’s service, of course, in which Grayson busted a move during the kids’ chorus special — sigh — leaving little doubt that his momma executes a few dance steps around the house when no one is looking!).  We actually had a break in the rain and thunder storms for a few hours, offering a least a bit of dryness for the day.  And I think the Lord honored that as I’m not the best at relaxing and enjoying my family the way I should.

But what did I do personally to deepen my worship of Him and reverently respecting what He did for us on the cross and from the tomb that made me a possibility in the first place?  I’m struggling.  As a pastor’s wife, I (and many of you!) hear more theology on a daily basis than some people will ever hear in their lives!  My husband is beyond knowledgeable of the Bible and has a strong walk with the Lord.  I’m afraid that I allow myself to get into a lull of believing I can coast by on his coat tail and absorb enough of what he’s saying or doing to allow that to be my engagement.  Am I doing this consciously?  No, of course not.  But have I tuned him out before?  Yes.  (I know he will read this at some point and I’m cringing.  Once again, a vulnerable moment for ole’ Kase — right out there on the world wide web.)

My point is this — I am responsible for my own walk with the Lord.  I can’t allow myself to pretend my minister husband can strengthen my relationship with our Father any more than he can be responsible for doing it for any of our church’s membership.

So, since I’ve missed looking  forward to Easter, what can I do to look back and not lose out on something valuable from this season?  And better yet, what can I do in the future to protect Christmas, or Easter of next year?

Something to ponder as I settle in for the night…